He will really not want it to be a secret, but it is. He needs to understand her expectations and how to make her happy. For in that scenario he is free to feel he is trying to satisfy his partner, and even if he falls short she cares enough to stick to rules and not abandon him emotionally mentally or physically.
In this world he feels connected to his partner and at her will. Submissive men would rather be spanked and feel all is right in the relationship than to be left wondering where he stands. It is somewhat childish in thought but extremely simple in the submissive mind. Most submissives are humble to some degree and desire to be more humble.
This dynamic is huge and causes many men to chase dominate women in the bdsm lifestyle.
The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them.
However, if you feel so inclined and can find a man willing to play along w/your idea of a good time, more power to you.
It is, after all, what you're ISO w/ the whips, no? Yes I like what I do and I have plenty of men that bow down to worship me. I as a domina do not have relationship (sexual) with my submissives. I personally find BDSM to bring a whole new level of trust with a partner.
In your situation, you may have to look harder than many women, but don't be discouraged.Real submissive men do not have to be beaten into submission or taken kicking and screaming. If their partner shows any signs of a dominate nature they will lead the way.Male chastity is the prime example of sexual submission; the one thing a submissive can do to belong to their dominate partner 24/7 without anyone knowing except the couple. A true submissive will even respect her wishes when he is not locked up and save himself for her and his relationship. He wants direction from her, he wants order from her.Even small gestures that make him realize that his dominate partner was aware of his transgressions and simply requires him to make amends, however that may be. It may seem by their desire to be a follower in the female led relationship that they do not crave attention but it is just the opposite. They don't desire chastity because they view it as celibacy.They desire to trade their average lives for a hyper charged one of tease and denial.