Having this conversation will stimulate lots of good ideas and feelings.
Notice what’s pleasing about your partner and the relationship.
If you can get in the habit of mentioning progress, not problems, you’ll feel happier and closer. When I ask married couples to define their marriage, I often hear comments such as: “It’s a lot of work,” or “It’s pretty humdrum–not like when we first met,” or “There aren’t a lot of surprises–we finish each other’s sentences.” Those are just clichés, and they don’t have to define your relationship. It can be as simple as holding hands or as complicated as booking a trip together.
When you were first dating, you said and did things to please your partner. The key is to do things regularly–daily–that make your partner happy.
I’m going to show you five key areas in your relationship where you can practice this new approach.
In my many years of experience working with all kinds of couples, I have seen remarkable changes happen between two partners when they apply these solution-focused strategies.
By date two or three, you won’t know if this person…
What did your partner do that let you know they were interested?
How did you keep the passion going in the beginning?
If you’re like most of us, hearing the following four words from your partner is akin to getting punched in the stomach: “We need to talk.” That’s because we’re conditioned to expect conversations to be about problems rather than solutions.
Amazingly, it only takes a few simple behavioral shifts to flip problem-focused talk into its positive counterpart: solution-focused communication.