Even though it’s pretty much a Hallmark holiday (e.g., the Catholic church took the day off its liturgical calendar), many men and women feel great pressure to have a date or be in a relationship on February 14th.” That pressure can be especially intense if you’re dating or in a new relationship and don’t feel super comfortable or secure yet. In David’s case let’s assume the following: Instead of trying to find some mythical Goldilocks gesture (not too big but not too small), we’ve enlisted the help of relationship experts to help you side-step the issue altogether. “The best course of action is to look at the investment you’ve both made in the relationship and apply that to your Valentine’s Day gift choices,” says relationship coach Jonathan.The question you should be asking instead is, “What do I want out of Valentine’s day? I’ve been in exactly this situation on Valentine’s day and it sucks because February 14 is a pressure-cooker of expectations. First, don’t assume you have to go big or go traditional (Italian restaurant, wine, roses: wallet-buster). “So if you two are madly in love and fully committed, even after three months, you should spend a little more and get a more personal gift.‘We all ask our friends, ‘When did you know your partner was The One? ’ If your relationship isn’t falling within these time frames, use them to adjust your expectations.’ Or, you know, just do whatever feels comfortable for you and your partner. Q: I’ve been dating this girl for three months and Valentine’s is coming up. Isn’t over-doing it as bad as under-doing it at this stage? Questions abound: how serious/far along is the relationship? How good is their communication (and does it feel appropriate to talk about it or not)?The pith of what Chris is saying is that when a gesture is more about the thought and effort you put in, rather than the dollar amount you plop down, it’s far more insulated against coming off as too much or too little.Take the capitalism out of it, he seems to be saying; simple, unaffected, and thoughtful are the way to go.
And if she demurs and stammers something about seeing her girlfriends, that’s important information too.” It could be an opportunity to take your relationship to the next level by demonstrating your communication, attentiveness, and creativity. If you’re not invested, it means you’re acting from a place of anxiety, defensiveness, or over-compensation. But, if you’re more casual and haven’t made much of a commitment (if any), then go for something less extravagant and less personal.” For the lightly invested, this could include organizing a group outing, invite her, and pay for her drinks.Or it could be your chance to pump the brakes and inject some independence into a connection you’re not that invested in. Just because there’s an expectation, be it social, personal, or imagined, doesn’t mean you have to abide by it. Or picking out a funny, cute gift that signals, “Hey, I’m aware it’s Valentine’s and I like you but I’m not applying any pressure because I like how this is developing at its own pace.” Side-step Valentine’s altogether by making plans with your buds. Part of being a grown-up human is practicing honesty in exactly this sort of tricky situation.But the key point is clear: in the beginning of a relationship, holidays can be treacherous. ” When it comes to signaling in relationships no holiday is more treacherous than Valentine’s Day; it’s literally about love.As dating and relationship coach Jonathan Bennett points out, “Valentine’s Day is still very important in current dating culture.