When you have a conversation with a drunk person, you have a drunken conversation; it doesn’t make sense.
And so it is when you talk to a depressed person you have a depressed conversation. In fact, depression can be almost as challenging for loved ones as it is for the person who is depressed.
And anyway, if anything your mind is telling you is real, it’ll still be there when you’re not feelings so flat, by which time any conversation you do have will be infinitely easier and more productive.
Try sharing the bigger picture of how you’re feeling (“Honey, I think I might be depressed”), rather than voicing your criticism of them. If you do find yourself in a discussion that you later regret, don’t worry about it; it’s all okay.
On the odd occasion where there is something to talk about, if I wait until I’m feeling better, its no big deal: I talk, he listens, we both talk, and done. Result: You and your partner have some level of connection, you’ve honored your “flatness” by accepting it, and you’ve avoided a silly discussion based on a misperception.But he’s not; he’s just saying, “Pass me the salt.” The salt scenario is made up, in case you were wondering, but the level of silliness is about right. Every website about depression I’ve been to says to talk to someone. But that’s another matter entirely from picking a fight over something that wasn’t real in the first place.Because what’s to be gained by talking about something based on a misperception?That kind of conversation is just not possible for me when I’m feeling flat. But what if this isn’t just me being depressed; I mean, I shouldn’t tolerate being treated badly, right?Your mind may try to convince you that this incident you’re so mad about must be sorted out immediately. Because if you are, there’s a good chance you’re reading the situation incorrectly. At the end of the evening, one friend took me aside and said, “Wow, Greg is being so critical tonight.” Which seemed strange to me, since . So how do you honor yourself when you’re depressed and give yourself the love and kindness you need without blowing up an otherwise loving relationship?