"The challenge is whether you can handle each other’s baggage in ways that keep the positivity and respect in your relationship," she says.
And once you've discussed all that baggage and talked so much about it until there's nothing more to say or analyze, keep it all in the past if you can help it.
After all, it's so much more comfortable believing that your partner is this perfect person who's never been bitter about life or made any mistakes. "I’m not sure there’s anyone out there without any 'baggage,'" Anita Chlipala, a relationship coach and author of , tells Bustle. For example, if your partner is sensitive to feeling excluded and you value independence and want some time to do your own activities, it can create hurt feelings or constant arguments unless it’s managed appropriately." There are many different types of emotional baggage that your partner (or you) may tug along into the romance.
Some people may act in a certain way because of things that happened in their previous romantic relationships.
The fact that he or she cheated on someone else doesn't necessarily mean relationship is over, but you should talk about any concerns you may have or details you'd like to know about the situation.
Talking about exes and past relationships can give each person some basic information about what they’re sensitive too and possibly what they would need in their next relationship," she says.
Love is more than just about saying three words, sharing a smoothie, and buying gifts.
It's about showing genuine respect for one another and being supportive on both good days and bad days — no matter what.
Identifying interaction patterns in your relationship could be the first step toward addressing any emotional baggage, according to Chlipala.
And even then, "(one person's) interpretations of what their partner does or says could be rooted in their baggage, and then the couple gets caught up in a no-win cycle," she says.